Ah, Minnesota winters—a season of majestic snow-covered landscapes and temperatures that make your bones ache. Whether you’re a seasoned Minnesotan or someone who just moved here and thought “How bad can it really get?” (spoiler: bad), here’s your ultimate guide to dressing, driving, and surviving the frozen tundra with your sense of humor intact.
Dress Like a Bundled-Up Onion
You see this in an example of the show you DO NOT want to wear in the winter. Though fashionable, slush and snow will soak right through these leaving you with cold feet.
Layers are your new best friend. Start with a base layer to keep the heat in—thermal tops, leggings, or if you’re fancy, “long underwear.” Add a sweater, and top it off with a coat that makes you look like the Michelin Man. Don’t forget a hat, gloves, and a scarf to wrap around your face like you’re preparing for a polar expedition.
And those cute shoes? Save them for spring. Invest in sturdy, waterproof boots that could handle an Arctic trek, because nothing ruins your day faster than wet socks. Trust us, nobody wants frostbitten toes.
Driving Through the Frozen Abyss
Don’t be fooled by the beauty of the frosted trees, this is actually a very dangerous spot. Oh and be sure to watch for deer.
Driving in a Minnesota winter is like starring in an action movie. Black ice? Surprise snowbanks? Cars sliding into ditches like they’re auditioning for Fast & Furious: Northland Drift? It’s all part of the thrill.
Pro Tips for the Road:
- Stock Your Car Like It’s a Survival Kit: Keep blankets, snacks, a flashlight, and kitty litter in the trunk. The litter can help with traction if your car gets stuck—or at least make your car smell like a well-maintained pet.
- Take It Slow: The speed limit is not a dare. Winter driving is more about arriving alive than arriving on time.
- Warm Up Your Car: And not just for you. Your engine appreciates it too. Consider it a little TLC for the vehicle that’s carrying you through this icy war zone.
Indoor Entertainment: Embrace Hibernation
Avoid the chill with a game night indoors instead. Bonus points if hot coco is involved.
When the wind chill hits double-digits below zero, going outside isn’t just unpleasant—it feels personal. Staying entertained indoors is key to surviving the long nights and cabin fever.
- Netflix and Soup: Winter is the perfect time to binge-watch every show you’ve ever missed while sipping on a steaming bowl of soup. Bonus points if it’s homemade.
- Board Games and Puzzles: Gather the family or friends for a game night. Dust off Scrabble or try your hand at a 1,000-piece puzzle of a snow-covered cabin—meta, right?
- Learn a Hobby: Whether it’s knitting (warm scarves, anyone?), baking, or even online yoga, winter is a great time to explore something new. Plus, you’ll have fun stories to share once spring thaws us all out.
Keep the Humor Alive
When all else fails, laugh through it. Minnesotans are pros at this—we have to be! Share jokes about how you can’t feel your face, post memes about shoveling snow, or text a friend to grumble when it’s still snowing in April.
Remember, winter doesn’t last forever. (It just feels like it.) Until then, embrace the layers, stock your car like an apocalyptic prepper, and enjoy the coziness of life indoors. By the time the snow melts, you’ll have survived another Minnesota winter—and earned bragging rights to last a lifetime.
