(KWMN)- Every weekend people in the sports world are remembered the following Monday.
Some for good things, others for their shortcomings–which are objectively more fun to talk about. It’s important to remember both, therefore, on Upon Further Review every Monday morning I like to go over the weekend’s winners and losers, or as I like to call them, the Champs, and Chumps.
Chumps:
James Franklin. Ahhh yes, James Franklin, the guy who not only refused to talk about two players on his team that are under investigation for rape charges (which he later apologized for), but also the guy that can’t win a single big game. Yes, that trend continued on Saturday with a 17-10 loss to Ohio State. Franklin is now 1-14 vs. Top 25 teams. He has eight straight losses to Ohio State, he’s 3-19 against Top Ten opponents, and taking it a step further, a mere 13-27 vs. Top 25 teams. Luckily for Franklin, he’s still making $7.5 million per season to lose to Ohio State and Michigan before taking his rightful place in a meaningless Citrus Bowl against whatever SEC team lost to Bama and Georgia that season. Not to mention, the Penn State crowd had a lovely chant for Franklin after the game, with an arousing “Fire Franklin” chant that echoed through Happy Valley. They’ll probably still make the playoff, and to that I say, fine, because there’s no way he’ll win a game there anyways. Get ready for rumors of Franklin to USC for the fifth straight season!
The Dallas Cowboys. Man, they suck. That’s all I got. Oh, and Dak Prescott was seen on the sideline saying “Damn. We F****** Suck,” great things happening in Jerry World! Bummer! Here’s something to make those Yankees, Dodgers, and Celtics fans feel better about their Cowboys though. Jerry Isn’t worried, in fact, he said “That room is full of guys that can get it done. I believe in them, coaches and all.” Good work Jerry, single out the Coaches and the fact that you believe in them, even them! And that room of guys by the way includes a 45-year-old Zeke Elliot who reportedly has lost every care in the world, former Vikings RB Dalvin Cook, yes him, and now a Dak Prescott with a bum hammy, a CeeDee Lamb who has one shoulder, and Micah Parsons, who hasn’t played in like a month. Full of guys I tell ya!
Derek Carr. You know who the only starting QB who has more losses through four, five and six seasons in the NFL than Derek Carr? It’s David Carr. Yeah, his brother. I can’t make that up, I wish I could. A family of losers, who admittedly still made millions in the NFL so really, not losers, but they are–relatively. Archie Manning ties Carr for 91 losses through 11 seasons as a starting QB. That means even Daniel Jones doesn’t have more losses than Mr. Carr. Daniel Jones! On top of that, Sunday’s loss was extra icing on the cake, as they become the first team in 20 years to lose a game in which they outgained their opponent by 150+ yards, ran for 150+ yards, and won the turnover battle. Teams before Sunday doing that? 275-0. Don’t Worry though, Derek, you’ll make over $200 million dollars in your NFL career, and your head coach was fired this morning (Which funny enough, is the second time Dennis Allen has been fired when he’s had Derek Carr as his QB. Has anyone ever gotten the same head coach fired twice before? No way, right?). That counts for something.
Florida State. Look, going from 13-1 to 1-8 is bad enough, but this is next level. As a “Journalist” I probably shouldn’t say this without actually confirming it, but I spent far too much to have a degree that says I can say things on the internet. According to this tweet below, FSU commits were decommitting live during the game where FSU lost to UNC in embarrassing fashion.
Again, I don’t know the validity of this, but the thought is absolutely hysterical. At the very least I HOPE that it’s true. But alas, we may never know.
Sam Darnolds Face. Can this dude get one facemask call? One roughing the passer call? I don’t think it’s possible. That marks the second straight week where Sam Darnold took a shot to the face or facemask without a flag. Last night was impeccable stuff from the refs on top of it, they actually through the flag. Then they picked it up. In todays NFL, they picked up a flag that was supposed to be a roughing the passer or hands to the face or please don’t touch the QB that’s illegal. And they picked it up! One of these times, Sam, your day will come.
Lambeau Field. Every football fan has uttered these words, “Tough to win in the elements at Lambeau Field.” At what point does this narrative die? Listen, I love Lambeau as much as any Packer fan–and remember, I am not a packer fan–It’s sort of a mecca in the NFL. They’re 13-9 at Lambeau since the immunized man played his last season there (2022). That’s not domination by any means. And I don’t even want to get into all the times Rodgers choked in the playoffs at Lambeau–Buccaneers, niners like seven times, again, I’m not going to divulge. I still believe it’s a tough place to play, but maybe not as much as it has been in the past. Also, while i’m here, that was an ugly loss on Sunday, they had a billion penalties. In a winner takes first place game. Inexcusable.
Champs!
Joel Embiid and Jason Kelce. As everyone knows, it comes with the territory. But one of the most underrated talents that professional athletes have is their ability to ignore the noise and not involve themselves with the degenerate fans. Even so, sometimes the line is crossed. Like when a Penn State student calls Jason Kelce’s brother a very, very bad word and then Jason Kelce acts accordingly, and smashes said students’ phone to the ground. Or when a reporter for the Sixers decides to reference Embiid’s deceased brother in an article about Embiid’s professionalism, Embiid acts accordingly and gives a nice shove to said reporter. We hold these guys to high standards, but sometimes I think these athletes should get one freebie per season, where they can just deck a fan in the face. It’s only fair. I commend both for what they did, good on ya lads!
Jayden Daniels, Washington D.C. ME. 7-2 for the first time since 1996. Need I say more? Suck it haters and Losers. Commies are back.
Byran Longwell. NOT Ryan Longwell to be clear. Bryan Longwell is a linebacker for Vanderbilt, who just beat Auburn on Saturday. Marking the first time since 1955 that Vandy has beaten both Bama and Auburn in the same season. Funny thing about the win on Saturday, is Longwell has had this one circled for a while. Apparently, Hugh Freeze, head coach for the Tigers, recruited Longwell. This before he sent a message on Christmas day to Longwell saying they will no longer be recruiting him. Well, Longwell didn’t forget…
Holding on to receipts for two-plus years is impressive. And I don’t think there’s a better person than Hugh Freeze to be on the receiving end of this tragic, tragic display of embarrassment. As Freeze himself said of his jarring decision to call a timeout with one second before the 2-minute warning on Saturday, sending that text on Christmas morning was “Just a bad decision.”
Indiana. Did you know that Indiana football was ranked in the top 10 of the AP poll in 2020? I had to triple check that, I couldn’t believe it. Yesterday the AP poll had Indiana back in that top 10, the first time since, slotted in at #8. It’s just the second time they’ve been inside the top 10 since 1969. I’m happy for Curt Cignetti and Indiana football. They’re going to the playoff if they finish the season with one loss. I’ll be rooting for them against Ohio State as well. Who knows, anything is possible.
The Detroit Lions. On Sunday, the Lions played their first outside game of the 2024 season. As shocking as that is, in and of itself, there was a narrative behind this team that they were ‘dome merchants,’ a glorified arena football league team. Well, in 45 degree, pouring rain weather, they scored 24 unanswered points and beat the Pack 24-14. That doesn’t scream dome merchants to me. After the game, head coach Dan Campbell said, “We’re built for this.” Right you are Dan. This team can win Detroit’s first ever super bowl. I’m not saying they do, but they can. And for the Lions, well, that says a lot.
America. Yes, the American people are potentially the biggest winners from the weekend. Why? Well, it’s simple. Word on the street is that there is an “election” on Tuesday. Coinciding with the NFL trade deadline I’ll assume that I’ll be too busy to pay attention to this so called “election.” Jokes aside, I’m not here to talk politics don’t worry, no, I’m here to rejoice with my fellow Americans. Because after Tuesday, we will no longer have to watch hours and hours of egregious, annoying, waste of time Political ads on cable television. We no longer will be bombarded with texts, and calls telling us to vote for their candidate. As someone who loves democracy, the texts, calls, and advertisements are enough for me to consider never voting again. Say I’m an undecided voter, you think calling me at 6:30 p.m. when I’m trying to enjoy my dinner is going to help your cause? Really? You know who I would vote for? The candidate that outlaws campaigning. Would be the easiest vote I ever make. Well, that, and whichever candidate would legalize gambling across the continental United States of America. But that’s for a different time.
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